A Blog of Individualism, Originality and Self Expression from a Daydreamer with a Big Imagination

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Obvious Signs You Are A Very Bad Parent

Maybe you should turn down Metallica a little, at least until the glass in the windows stop vibrating. Your babies hearing is still developing.

You really should just go ahead and change your childs name to stop, quit, not now or go outside and play, since they hear that more often.

My crazy way of thinking about all of the bad parents I know, have known or met in my lifetime. Everything on this list is true and original except where noted at the bottom. I have either overheard or witnessed someone actually saying these insane things. It was through co-workers, friends or family over the years.

You are A Bad Parent
  • If your kid doesnt cry on the 1st day of school because he is happy to get away from you.
  • If your kid still has a pacifier in 1st grade.
  • If you tell your kid Santa is not real.
  • If your kid has a kid.
  • If you spend your kids college fund and don't remember how.
  • If you sit your kid on a hot car hood and he doesnt scream.
  • If you take your kid with you to your Parole Officer appts.
  • If your dogs leash is prettier than your kids.
  • If your kid is rolling joints for you.
  • If your kid is on probation before they are a teen.
  • If you feed your kids ramen noodles more than twice a day.
  • If your kids Halloween costume is a German Gestapo Uniform.
  • If your 8 year old has a Charles Manson poster in their bedroom.
  • If the "all kids are Gods children" church day care ask you not to bring your kid back.
  • If you have to ask someone if you are a bad parent.
  • If you have to drive around the neighborhood looking for your 4 year old after dark.
  • If you ask your kid  "Will you go get my cigarettes please ?"
  • If you find the dvd "how to be an expert shop lifter" in your kids room.
  • If you toss your used disposable diapers out in every parking lot you change your baby in.
  • If your kid is not hungry at dinner because they just had 3 soft drinks and two candy bars in a 15 minute span.
  • If the refrigerator has an echo when you look inside and say "we dont have any food'.

Overheard friends wives say
I dropped off baby Jane at Grandma's on the way to work. She said she was feeling better today. The terrible pain in her left shoulder is not as bad as it was yesterday. Her chest pains and the ringing in her ears is also almost completely gone. I worry about her living by herself.

"Jim is now paying $400,00 a month for child support." In the mean time his child is dressed in raggedy jeans with torn shoes, but the ex wife is styling around in brand new designer clothing.

Made up for the sake of humor
If you ask your kid to get the noisy foreign object out of the garbage disposal while its turned on you are a bad parent.

If you tell your kid to clean the stuck grassy mud clumps from underneath the lawnmower while it is running you are a bad parent.

If you ask your kid to clean the hair from the vacuum cleaner roller while it is turned on you are a bad parent.