A Blog of Individualism, Originality and Self Expression from a Daydreamer with a Big Imagination

Friday, December 31, 2010

Original Funny New Years Resolutions For 2011


I don't know how many other people like me just talk a lot of smack when it comes to New Year's Resolutions. I actually gave up on them about 20 years ago. If I were going to have some for the upcoming year of  2011 this would be them. Most of these are about true actual things going on in my life. Others I made up for the purpose of humorous and funny material.

True Real Life Happenings and Thoughts

My New Years Resolution
  • To keep making New Years Resolutions I refuse to abide by
  • Stop smoking cigarettes for the 600th time
  • Never again tell my grandkids Santa is not real
  • Focus more on others screw ups rather than my own
    • Not mow my yard at 3 in the morning anymore
    • Quit flushing my motorcycles old motor oil down the commode
    • Not say I will when I really mean I won't

    Wednesday, December 29, 2010

    Fat Women Pictures That Went Viral In Year 2000

    What was popular on the internet in the year 2000 ? Believe it or not these photos were. That's right, pictures of big fat obese R rated naked fat women. These photos actually went viral In the year 2000. We didn't have the social networking websites like Facebook, Twitter and Youtube like today. No chance of going viral overnight. It was either email, chat rooms or to discover them in a website. They were all over the internet In every funny humor picture website around.

    I literally have 1000's of old floppy disc loaded with funny pictures and other crazy insane stuff dating back to the early 90's. I was going through my old disc marked "granted permission to use through trade" when I found these pictures. The disc has 30-40 pictures of funny stuff on it but I will only show these four I was granted use for.

    Excuse the quality. Floppy disc date stamp: 11/20/2000
    I hope you are not in the middle of dinner.



    Thursday, December 23, 2010

    Original Comedy Humor Witty One Liners

    nurple dot comAll original funny comical and amusing humor never before gazed upon by your ingenious mind. Hilarious notations taken in short burst of madness spanning 35 years of my life. I have been jotting down my funny thoughts and crazy ideas nonstop since the age of 15.

    Tuesday, December 21, 2010

    Marijuana Poem - Productive Members Of Society Smoke

    Will Wag For Weed




     A generic structured poem I wrote after the 2003 marijuana march held here in Austin Texas. I have been an advocate for marijuana reform most of my adult life. By the way, this poem was written about true life and real friends of mine. From start to finish, it only took about ten minutes to write. I don't expect anyone to be too
    impressed.

    Sunday, December 19, 2010

    Cigarette Companies Love Me To Death

    tobacco companies kill peopleWhen I was a teenager I stole my first cigarette from my mom. I wouldn't dare tell her that now for the simple reason she would feel guilty for the rest of her life. Why? She smoked cigarettes for less than a month. She tried them, didn't like them and never smoked again. It just so happens that was the month I started smoking. They were on the table next to the sofa so I took one. 35 years later I am still hooked.




    What got me hooked was the euphoric high sensation my 1st cigarette gave me. Great little buzz for a 13 year old. I guess you can say it was the very 1st time I ever got high. After you blaze through about ten packs you no longer get the buzz, but then its too late to stop, you are addicted. That's what happened to me.

    Friday, December 17, 2010

    Off The Wall Humorous and Funny Original Insanity

    Writing is my way of expressing my inner feelings, dreams of aspiration, mindless rants and to reduce stress levels. Original material you have never seen any other place. I don't copy or get my idea's from any other source other than my memory and thoughts. It is all original and found its way to print from the mind of a daydreamer living in the hip and cool city of Austin Texas.





    If we were all 6' tall with blonde hair and blue eyes,
    it would be a very boring planet to live on.

    Thursday, December 16, 2010

    Mindless Pointless Ramblings Bordering On Humor

    dog8mybag stoned again productions

    Original pointless ramblings and thoughts that materialized in my mind and have made their way to this amazing thing we know as the Internet. A place where everyone can read the stupid idiotic stuff people write about. A place where you can see the best of the best and the worst of the worst. A place that can be happy or sad, amusing or annoying, enlightening or disgusting, friend or foe. It can be what you want it to be just by one click of a button.



    I Am So Glad I Am Not A Woman

    nurple dot com
    I was talking to my good friend and wild child neighbor a few doors down as she chugged on her 6 pack of miller genuine drafts with a KOOL menthol dangling from her lips. She was telling me her strange version of life as she always does. Suddenly some long haired hip dude with a Texas tan and guitar strapped over his shoulder blazes by on his mountain bike. She randomly blurts out "I love being a woman, we have it made, I could have any man anytime I wanted if I was that kind of girl."



    OK ? did she really just say that ? Because normally she doesn't.talk like that.
    Being the beautiful young lady she is, I don't doubt it for a second.
    Liquid courage? The ganja? Maybe all of the zanax she takes? I don't know.

    Monday, December 13, 2010

    As A Kid I Played In Toxic Chemicals

    Sometimes I Forget My Middle Name but..

    toxic chemicalsThe younger generation might not be familiar with what I am talking about so I will clue you in. Back in the 70's when I was in my early teens sometimes the mosquito's in our neighborhood were really bad. Abundant and overwhelming might be better words to describe it. We had a lot of creeks and low lying areas that collected water after it rained. An oasis for mosquito's to breed. So to try and rid the neighborhood of some of these pesky insects city maintenance workers would send out the mosquito fogger truck. You could hear its loud rumbling pumps attached to the back of the truck from blocks away. The once empty streets were suddenly full of a bunch of kids anticipating this special moment of fun.

    You Got Problems? I Went Thru Disco

    disco music humor
    I cant believe I had to go through the disco era. What I cant believe even more is I actually had a good time. I almost regret stealing all of those funny gaudy photos of me my mother had in high heel men's platform shoes with white pants and psychedelic swirly silk shirts. Its a shame at the time I didn't have an appreciation for them and set them ablaze. Now from a comedy standpoint I wish I had them back, but that will never happen. I actually know Spencer Gibb, son of Barry Gibb of the Bee Gees who created mainstream disco. Spencer has his own band here in Austin named 54 seconds.

    Saturday, December 11, 2010

    Pictures of Austin's Weirdest Apartment Complex

    The Metropolis Apartments - South Austin Texas USA

    Austins weirdest and strangest apartment complex located off of riverside drive in South Austin. Some call The metropolis apartments art, others call them an eyesore.  I lived up the same street  in the 80s at Kings Gate Apartments back when Joe Namath, former New York Jets quarterback owned them.  It was 90% University of Texas Students and a really nice area to live. Pretty crappy area now.  I took these pictures back in the late 90's on a cheap throw away camera. The quality is not the best. 

    metropolis apartments austin
    Top Photo: click to view larger version in new window

    Friday, December 10, 2010

    Strange People In Austin Holding Funny Signs

    Pictures of strange and weird people on the streets of Austin holding up cardboard signs with funny sayings. Some of the people are homeless and others just want attention.


    George Bush Has Sex With Farm Animals
    Taken From My Archives




    The Death Of The Record Player

    Humorous, Yet Sincere Experience
    If you haven't ever owned a record player and a record collection you missed an important part of music history. The record player was also called a phonograph, gramophone and in more modern times a turntable. The record player spans back to the late 1800's and died out in the mid to late 80's after Cd's appeared the scene. For those of you who like facts the first phonograph was created by Thomas Edison in 1877.



    My grandparents bought me my first record player when I was 12 or 13 years old. It was a compact mono phonograph system with one speaker. Lucky for me they also bought my first ever record. It was The Partridge Family, the one with all of them sticking their faces out of the side windows of this flower power hippy type bus on the album cover. If you have no idea who The Partridge Family is, they had a popular show on TV starring singer David Cassidy and the rest of the group. Yes I admit it, I watched the show. And yes it was pretty cheesy looking back. My second record album was The Osmond's.

    Thursday, December 9, 2010

    From Conception to Birth, Life is a Game of Chance.

    I was born on a sinking ship during an icy winter storm under a full moon in October just before midnight

     

    I came straight out of the womb stressed out. In my case my mother was three months into her pregnancy with me when she got a knock on her door at three o clock in the morning. Two men in military uniforms had traveled by car 5 hours to get there. As my mom stood in the doorway half asleep they gave her the news that my father was killed earlier in the evening by a drunk driver returning to base. He was only 23 years old and a Sargent in the army stationed in Fort Hood Texas. The very same time Elvis Presley was there. The only father I have ever know is a stack of old pictures taken while he was in the military.


    Uncle Lucius - Austin Texas Country, Rock and Soul Band

    My night out with Uncle Lucius - Shameless Band Promotion

    The formation of Uncle Lucius is a Texas tale in the truest sense. Four unique musicians of the Lone Star State , each living in their own hamlets, brewing up a dire need to put together a soulful southern rock outfit, sometimes can’t help but find each other.

    Kevin Galloway’s campfire dream of starting a band began to take form in 2002, when the Freeport native left his East Texas banking job and moved to Austin with little more than a guitar and a truck. A country player all his life – he’d learned to play the guitar from listening to those “lovin’ and leavin’” songs that ran through East Texas – Galloway’s ears took quickly to the diverse array of rock-oriented music sprouting up around the Capital City . After three years of playing open mic’s around town, the singer/songwriter/guitarist met bassist/songwriter Hal Vorpahl through a mutual friend who knew the two could put together a legitimate outfit.

    Wednesday, December 8, 2010

    Whats God’s email address ? I need to talk to him.

    I think about this way too much. Who the hell are we and why ? We are floating in the middle of a very complex universe on a big huge ball. We have a sun that never stops burning. The sun is a perfect 93 million miles from earth. A million miles closer we would burn. A million miles farther we would freeze. Water covers the earth yet it doesn't spill into space. Everyday we rotate to the same position that we were at the previous day at the same time. I could go on and on. I know you have had to ponder the thought at one time or another. If you haven't you are lacking deeply in the imagination department.

    I am not the most religious person on the block. My take on religion is, if they say that some long haired hippy looking dude with sandals and a robe is the son of God, that sounds pretty cool with me. I can work with that. But where is God ? I have some question's to whoever created this little grain of sand in the universe we live on. Why create a planet, put life on it and let it become so hostile ? Why create famine and disease ? Could it be population control ? What else could it be ? If you have the power to create a universe you certainly should be able to cure cancer. Stop wars. You should be able to snuff out a tornado or hurricane in a split second. Well I'm thinking if you are smart enough to create something this complex with living creatures that can reproduce you are also smart enough to cover all bases by controlling the population. It is all in the grand scheme of things. The big picture.

    Can Online Review Websites Destroy A Business?



    As consumer's we all want to know how the local restaurant we frequent is doing. What others are saying about it. So we simply look it up on one of the popular review websites online to see what others are saying. I did just that and none of the reviews of my favorite happy hour hangout seemed anything like what I have experienced over the years. I have been going to the same place for over ten years and it is nothing like what I read. It is much better than the review.