A Blog of Individualism, Originality and Self Expression from a Daydreamer with a Big Imagination

Friday, December 17, 2010

Off The Wall Humorous and Funny Original Insanity

Writing is my way of expressing my inner feelings, dreams of aspiration, mindless rants and to reduce stress levels. Original material you have never seen any other place. I don't copy or get my idea's from any other source other than my memory and thoughts. It is all original and found its way to print from the mind of a daydreamer living in the hip and cool city of Austin Texas.

If we were all 6' tall with blonde hair and blue eyes,
it would be a very boring planet to live on.

 ; ) Lab Rats Gone Wild

Another day at work for the newest Intern Sally at Budget Labs a few blocks north of the Bronx. She has noticed a change in the last few days since the new shipment of local rodents arrived. The cocaine addiction test they are currently running has seen some dramatic changes.  Previously the majority would eat the cocaine and leave the food behind. Lately the cocaine and food have both been consumed by the rats.  She leaves the room to get her charts, and as she comes back in she notice's something strange. One of the rats was reaching into the other rodent's cage.  Seems Louie, the fat lab rat #614 that recently arrived in the shipment from Harlem has been trading his cocaine to the other rodents in exchange for their food.

 ; ) Flight of Deception

You have been outside and seen the reflection in a glass patio door or window. The blue skies, the clouds, the green trees. It looks like a work of art, a painting of life on glass. I was sitting down picking on the guitar I am so desperately trying to learn to play when this big black bird crashes into my back patio glass door. It was so loud it startled me. He had no idea of what just happened. He sat there stunned for quite some time. I went out to check on him and he just stared up at me. Eventually he did flap his wings, shake his head and fly away. It made me wonder if this bird is now afraid to fly. He has to wonder if this will ever happen to him again? To me, not being able to express and share my thoughts, feelings and artistic mind is like flying into that very same pane of glass.

; ) A New Universe Straight Ahead

A lot of wild animals like deer, rabbits and raccoons among others never see what we consider as ordinary everyday life. All they ever know is the brushy woods, trails and creeks as their own little world. It is the very same thing, day in and day out. I was thinking about what crosses their mind when they stray off the beaten path and approach a highway or road for the very first time. It is a whole new Universe to them. Automobiles soaring past, the smell of exhaust fumes, the loud sound of tires ripping down the pavement. What are their thoughts? Fear, Excitement? Somewhere out there is a road we have not yet come upon. When we do accidentally find ourselves standing on the edge of it how will we react ?

; ) TV Dinners Took 30 Minutes

Actually it took almost 40 minutes to cook a TV dinner in a conventional oven. You had to pre-heat the oven per the instructions which nobody did. We would just turn it on and toss them in. Back then all TV dinners were sold with aluminum trays. A lot of people washed and kept them to use again and again. My personal favorite was the TV dinner with the 3 tiny tacos and 2 sides. I thought I was in Heaven. It was so hard to wait that long when you were really hungry. I grew up with my grandparents who were dirt poor. We didn't have air conditioning, so sometimes they wouldn't allow me to have one because the oven made the house unbearably hot. Now I live in a spoiled society with modern technology and the wait time is literally nothing.

; ) Employees Must Wash Hands Before Returning To Work

One day at Wendy's I went to the bathroom to wash my hands as I do every time I eat. One of the employees was washing his hands, and another person was also in front of me. It was lunch so it was extremely busy. When the employee finished washing his hands he went in the bathroom stall to urinate. Just then I was drying my hands starting to step aside to allow him access back to the lavatory when he walked around me and left the bathroom.

; ) Invisible Poles

I want to figure out how to create invisible poles. With all of the insane modern technology we have one day it might be possible. Maybe with some type of laser. I don't know. I also want a remote control so I can shift them around, make them wide or narrow, short or tall with one click of a button.

It would be fun to put a bunch of them in the unfaithful ex girlfriends front yard. She comes out thinking it is an ordinary day and suddenly BAMM, she is hammered by an invisible pole. She has no idea of what just happened. What if an alien life force came to earth and put invisible poles all over the place? We would have to carefully watch every step we take. "I made it through the day and did'nt run into one invisible pole" Did you Jim? Yeah I stumbled into one outside of the bowling alley, but I'm OK. just a slight abrasion across my forehead, You could become very wealthy betting on sporting events. They would be a valuable asset in police chases. They could also be very handy in wars.

; ) Bad Day In Court

I have only been in legal trouble once in my life back in the mid 80's. Possession of a small amount of grass. The reason I thought of this is because I was recently forced to watch Judge Judy. Should we have female judges deciding the fate of many everyday ordinary citizens? Two weeks out of the month women are going through hormonal changes. The menstrual cycle last almost a week, but women also go through emotional changes the week before. While watching Judge Judy pounding her gavel and yelling at people left and right it makes one wonder. I realize that is made for TV, but a lot of Judges are now women.

; ) The Skinny Fat Strip Club

Unlike your ordinary strip club, here at the Oasis fat obese women come out naked and put their clothes back on. It was the brilliant idea of owner Richard Handler. As a skinny old fart he felt a place like this would be appreciated by other old timers also married to big women. You can go and see the fattest women on the planet next time you are in Nowhere USA. Dick also says he is proud of how well the business is doing. "Every time I hear the crowd cheer when those big gals are up on stage putting their clothes back on, I know I made the right decision." Dick says the brainstorm came to him one night when his 320 LB wife Olga walked past him naked.

Excuse Typo's and misuse of the English Language. It's A Family Tradition.


Anne Lyken-Garner said...

Really thoughtful, amusing and inspiring thoughts.
I found the fat strippers mind boggling. I don't know if it's something I'd like to see at all:-)

...And that Wendy's employee - if he could behave like that with witnesses around, imagine what he's doing to your food behind the scenes.

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