A Blog of Individualism, Originality and Self Expression from a Daydreamer with a Big Imagination

Thursday, December 16, 2010

I Am So Glad I Am Not A Woman

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I was talking to my good friend and wild child neighbor a few doors down as she chugged on her 6 pack of miller genuine drafts with a KOOL menthol dangling from her lips. She was telling me her strange version of life as she always does. Suddenly some long haired hip dude with a Texas tan and guitar strapped over his shoulder blazes by on his mountain bike. She randomly blurts out "I love being a woman, we have it made, I could have any man anytime I wanted if I was that kind of girl."

OK ? did she really just say that ? Because normally she doesn't.talk like that.
Being the beautiful young lady she is, I don't doubt it for a second.
Liquid courage? The ganja? Maybe all of the zanax she takes? I don't know.

I love women and I am pretty sure all men do unless of course they are gay. I certainly cant live without them. They are just cute and fun to be around. When I was young thinking like teenagers do I was jealous of women. I always thought it would be so cool to be a woman from a sexual perspective. To be able to have sex anytime you want. Of course we know its not really like that, or is it ? As men we have to work hard to pick up women just for sex, unless you are extremely handsome, sexy or rich. Unfortunately I was never that lucky.

All of that has changed with the sexually transmitted disease factor weighed in. Lunatics walking the planet and so on. Women have become more aware, and more picky.

Someone mixed up the wrong blessing's recipe when they created women. In a nice humorous way I had to explain to my friend how the ball really bounced. Having been married twice and having a 25 yr old punk rocker daughter I know a little bit about women. Some of the things I wish I didn't know.

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I'm sure they're are many more reasons I am glad I am not a woman, but here are a few. This is not from some list I found on the net, or saw elsewhere. This is from my very own warped way of thinking.

# I don't have a menstrual cycle.
(but i do have a motorcycle)

# I don't have the mental anguish and emotional changes the week before a menstrual cycle.
(that's two weeks in a row every month women have to endure this, bummer)

# I don't have to go through 9 months of pregnancy.
(but i am glad someone does, or i wouldn't be here.)

# I never have to give birth to a 7, 8 , 9 pound baby that comes screaming and kicking out of my body.

# I don't have to endure a big ball of absorbent cotton made material inserted inside of me for several days out of every month.

# I don't have to worry about having to go through menopause
(don't they call it "the change of life" ?)

# I don't have to shave my legs, armpits etc...

# I don't have to pluck my eyebrows

# I never have to wonder if someone keeps me around just for the sex.

Back to the "I can have anyone anytime" subject. You might be able to have sex anytime you want for the simple fact that you have something men want.  For most of the men I know it is the only reason they are in a relationship.

As a man I can have an orgasm faster than most TV commercial breaks, (not 2-3 hours) and I don't have to go through any of the things listed above.

I just want you to know that men are the ones who really have it made.

Don't Take It Serious - It Only Humor