A Blog of Individualism, Originality and Self Expression from a Daydreamer with a Big Imagination

Thursday, December 9, 2010

From Conception to Birth, Life is a Game of Chance.

I was born on a sinking ship during an icy winter storm under a full moon in October just before midnight


I came straight out of the womb stressed out. In my case my mother was three months into her pregnancy with me when she got a knock on her door at three o clock in the morning. Two men in military uniforms had traveled by car 5 hours to get there. As my mom stood in the doorway half asleep they gave her the news that my father was killed earlier in the evening by a drunk driver returning to base. He was only 23 years old and a Sargent in the army stationed in Fort Hood Texas. The very same time Elvis Presley was there. The only father I have ever know is a stack of old pictures taken while he was in the military.

I have done quite a bit of research on the subject wondering if trauma in the womb might be the reason I was real shy and withdrawn when I was just a kid. I cannot begin to imagine being 20 years old, beautiful, in love and pregnant with your high school sweethearts only child, and all of the sudden everything you have ever wanted and dreamed about is suddenly gone in the blink of an eye. What does an embryo go through in the womb when something like that happens? Well It is very simple, I went through the same emotions that my mother did. 

I had a terrible time remembering things in grade school and was diagnosed with attention deficit disorder. The teachers would tell me something and twenty seconds later I couldn't remember what they said. It seemed during class my mind was stuck in the clouds as if I didn't hear a thing that was going on around me.

I often ponder my purpose in life and why I am here in the first place. The actual moment of conception only takes a split second. What if my father would have walked in the door ten minutes later that night. What if my parents had sex at a different time? What if my dad wasnt in the mood for some nookie cookie? Would I still be here? Could I have been a girl name Jane wearing dresses and playing with barbie dolls? It sounds absolutely ridiculous to think that way, but on the other hand it is an interesting thought. The strange thing is everyone in existence walking the planet could have been something other than what they are now with a small hormonal imbalance or a split second change of plans.